He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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