You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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