I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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