just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
