My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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