Got a toothbrush?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
