I CAN MOONWALK!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's official drugs can't kill me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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