i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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