I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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