wat bout pragnant strippers??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
