I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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