You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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