I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
