I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
