you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
