So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize