...so i touched it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
