I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
