Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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