just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
