All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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