I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
