there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
