My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
