You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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