k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
