my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
