Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
