Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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