Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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