you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
