WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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