Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Randomize
