how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
