sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
