This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
