I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
