How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
