Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
