I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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