There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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