just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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