all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
