worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
