so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I will be naked everywhere
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
