I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
