What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
