12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
