nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I cockslap morals
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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