Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
