ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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