oh god the rape fog is back!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
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i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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