i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
