1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
