I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Your cock deserves a montage
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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