Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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