the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
