She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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