Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
