If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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