I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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