I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize