guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
