what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
