You just made me feel so damn special
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
