Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
