She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
