just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
