I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
