im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
